It has been said that if you can learn to get along with every person in your home, you can get along with anyone in the world!
Few things will rob a mom of her energy and steal her joy as bickering children. Feuding siblings have been around as long as there have been children; Cain and Abel are perfect examples of sibling rivalry. A mom whose heart is broken by her children's fighting can relate to how our heavenly Father must feel when His children refuse to get along with one another.
We love our children and we want them to love one another. So what do you do when your children bicker?
Through the years my ten children have generously provided me with many opportunities to discover creative solutions to their fighting (*wink). Here are some tried and true “cures” to squash sibling squabbles.
Have the offenders:
Fix each other’s hair. You may think this would only work with girls (and it is great for them!), but the first time I tried this with a sister and brother pair, the results were hilarious! First, she fixed his hair with styling gel, leaving him with a partial Mohawk. Then he took several hair bands and created small ponytails all over her head. By the time they were finished, they (along with everyone else) were squealing with laughter. Their fellowship was restored, which was the ultimate goal.
Wash each other’s feet. We have a small tub reserved for this and we are always on the lookout for discounted soaps, body wash, bath beads and lotions just for this purpose. (Several of our daughters offer a foot-wash to their daddy after he’s had a hard day’s work. They also give great pedicures!). In biblical times, foot-washing was reserved for the lowliest servant, and can still be a humbling exercise. Proverbs 13:10 says “Only by pride cometh contention” (emphasis mine). When there is contention, there is always pride! The cure for pride is humility. I’ve heard a humbled child quietly ask forgiveness (without any prompting from Mom!) while washing their sibling’s feet.
Hold hands for a set amount of time (usually 30 minutes). During that time they must cooperate with one another in order to accomplish anything. This works well when we are out shopping.
Spend time together, whether working or playing. If the feuding occurs during chore time, they will be asked to assist one another with each of their chores. During free time, each child chooses an activity or game they would like the other to participate in. At times I have devised long-term projects when the offenders seem to be having more of a struggle in their relationship with one another.
Feed one another. No one wants to feed someone they are angry with and you certainly don’t want to be at this person’s mercy to feed you! This is a great motivator to reconcile and I only use this one after another “cure” has failed. Once when Corrie and Isaac were younger (maybe 6 and 5 years old, respectively), they were still nit-picking while holding hands. I was cooking dinner at the time and informed them that if they couldn’t reconcile their differences by the time dinner was on the table, they would be feeding one another. Several minutes later I heard Corrie humbly ask Isaac’s forgiveness for her wrong-doing. She then suggested they play a game after dinner.
Re-enact the conversation. This is a wonderful training tool to help teach children to properly communicate and to consider their words carefully. With Mom or Dad’s help, have the offenders replay the conversation. Questions can be interjected such as, “Was that the right thing to say?” “How would you feel if they said that to you?” “How could you respond differently next time?” If conviction doesn’t come quickly, I pray with the children, asking the Lord to speak to each of their hearts before resuming.
Pray a blessing over each other. This is good for when the children have been harsh with their words, condemning, criticizing or attacking each other verbally. After stating the offense and asking forgiveness, the offenders hold hands and take turns asking the Lord to bless the other child and to help them love one another. We have found this to be very effective.
Note: These “cures” are not meant to be punishment, per se. Though it may seem like chastisement to the offenders, the goal is to restore the fellowship and to build the relationship.
As we’ve used these methods through the years, we have been blessed by the results. Our children are best friends (most of the time). The older girls still wash each other’s feet on occasion, but now it is because they want to!