I stood at the crossroad with a small hand in mine, unsure of what to do. It was April 1997 and Emily was supposed to be at “Kindergarten Roundup” that afternoon. If I continued walking this direction, we would end up at the elementary school where Stephanie attended second grade. If I turned left, we would be home in a matter of minutes. What to do…
Months before, Emily’s preschool teacher had insisted we have her evaluated for learning disorders. Though she had celebrated her fifth birthday the week before, she was still in class with the three-year-olds. Our pediatrician sent her to a behavioral specialist and sure enough, Emily was diagnosed with ADHD. We were given material to read about drug therapy. The preschool teacher later informed us that the elementary school would insist that Emily take the recommended medications. We had no intentions of drugging our child. What to do…
I stood there staring at my beautiful, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, precocious little girl. She truly was different than Amanda and Stephanie, always into something, always in trouble. She would look right through me when I was correcting her or giving instruction and walk away as though she hadn’t heard a word. She seemed to be lost in her own little world. Though we didn’t have any answers at the time, we were certain drug therapy was not the solution.
The burden was weighing heavily on me that day, as we stood there at the crossroad. With tears streaming down my face, finally I made a decision. “C’mon, Emily." We turned and walked slowly toward home. I was unsure of the future, but felt a sense of peace about this decision.
A few months later, Terry suggested we home school our children. “I thought you wanted your kids to be smart!” I said, only half-joking. I have only a high school diploma and was not exactly an honor student. Terry was no more educated than I. Amanda had moved in with her dad in January, so there were only four children in our home at the time; third-grade Stephanie, Emily, two-year-old Haley and our new baby MacKenzie.
Not only did I doubt my qualifications to teach our children, but I wasn’t completely convinced that I wanted to! I was the Mom who stood on the front porch on the first day of school, waving to my children and shouting (with glee!), “SEE YOU NEXT SUMMER!” No one would ever look at me and say, “Wow; that woman should homeschool her children!” I just couldn’t picture it.
Terry had a vision and he was determined to bring our children home. It took a bit of convincing on his part and a whole lot of praying on my part, and trusting in the Lord, but I finally relented.
We attended an Advanced Training Institute (ATI) home-school training session and received our books in early spring of the following year. I informed Stephanie’s third grade teacher of our intention at her final parent/teacher conference. I knew what she was thinking, because I was thinking it too: “You are not qualified to teach your children!”
As the time drew nearer, I began to be plagued with doubts and fears. When a friend, who had been schooling her children for several years looked at our curriculum and commented, “Oh, I could never do that!” my confidence plummeted even further. This is my journal entry on August 7, 1998:
The time is drawing nearer (only 2 days to go). I’m more nervous (and excited!) than I thought I’d be.
Can we really do this, Lord? I envision many growing pains within each of us. Especially me.
Please don’t let me fail, Lord. They’re counting on me to be patient and gentle and loving…All that I am not! And I’m counting on You, Lord. You say in Your Word that Your grace is sufficient and that Your strength is made perfect in weakness. I’m clinging to this promise-- my life raft for the coming days ahead.
Keep me focused on Your goals, Lord. And never let me forget that this is Your will. I must remember that You would never bring us in this direction only to dump us.
Guide me, Lord. Teach me to be the mother they need for me to be.
Thank You, Lord for this precious opportunity You have given us. Amen.
Twenty-one years later I can attest to the fact that indeed, His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. He has kept His promises and faithfully equipped us to what He has called us to do. One revelation that really changed my mind about my being “qualified” was when I realized that I wasn’t required to “know everything”, but rather I could learn right along with my children. Together we have mastered phonics, multiplying fractions, and writing book reports, essays, and more! Contrary to my school years, I now enjoy learning history!
The big yellow bus passes by our house each morning at 7:15 and again at 4:20 pm. I don't always notice, but when I do, my mind immediately reflects on all the fellowship, learning, and living
that has taken place within the walls of our home during that time.
I can honestly say, I wouldn't change a thing.